8 Ways an Woman Can Take Charge of Her Life
“So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”
-Jim Carrey
Children have no problem dreaming big. A five-year-old doesn’t see life through the cynical lens adults do. They see each day as a new adventure, an opportunity to expand their imagination.
Somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood, we lose our ability to dream big. Dreams are replaced with chronic overwhelm, emotional burnout, stress, anxiety, poor health management, and a lack of boundaries. Living is not for the faint of heart. It takes strength to remain unjaded, and no small dose of humor to keep moving forward.
Something I used to say a lot was “I’m tired of being tired.” What I meant was: “I’m tired of feeling unfulfilled, of not trusting my choices, or being strong enough to voice my boundaries. Of living a life of complacency and dishonoring myself through self-neglect.” A common theme found among women.
Time has taught me it is a waste of time struggling to achieve the high expectations of others while not making space to fulfill your dreams.
Growing up the question adults love to ask children the most is: “what do you want to be when you get older?” And if you’ll notice, usually children are eagerly responding with whatever interests them at the time. You could get answers ranging from princess to pilot, but the underlying theme of their responses is the lack of fear. Children do not naturally question their ability to achieve their dreams. If an adult were to point out, (based on their own bias) that that particular child may not be best suited for that job, the child would quickly dismiss their concerns with confidence.
But from a North American point of view, most people can agree they would want their children to be raised with the belief that they can achieve whatever they set their mind to and work hard for.
Unfortunately, by the time those optimistic children grow into surly teenagers on the cusp of big life decisions, their confidence has been shaken. Young women especially are more exposed to the influence of others’ beliefs. Women are natural nurturers, caretakers, givers. We see value in shared experience with others. This can leave us open to criticism, and influence by those around us, for good or bad.
In 2014, Jim Carrey addressed the graduating class of the University of Maharishi. In his speech, he gives the personal example of watching his father growing up. He describes how his father had the potential to be a great comic, but through fear chose the more conservative option of being an accountant rather than following his dream. After losing that “safe” job, the family had to do whatever they could to keep afloat. For Jim, a hard lesson was learned from his father’s example.
“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well do what you love.”
-Jim Carrey
Fear is the killer of confidence.
In this study done in 2016 “substantive evidence supporting FOTU (fear of the unknown) as meeting the revised criteria for being a fundamental fear.” Showing that it is a natural human response to be fearful of what we don’t understand or can’t see.
It is alright to not know exactly where you want to be in life, as long as you’re an active participant in it. Choosing to live in fear holds us back from living up to our fullest potential.
Living a fulfilled life starts when you can take ownership of the responsibility you have for yourself. Being thoughtful when investing your time, energy, and resources. Not forgetting to think about yourself.
The world is full of untapped potential from the unfulfilled dreams of people who took the safe route out of fear of the unknown.
Break the cycle of unfulfilled dreams, invest in yourself. Face your fears, don’t be afraid to be bold, to take up space, to use your voice, you may surprise yourself.
Practically speaking how can a woman take charge of her life? Here are some steps I used to get started:
1. Rediscover Yourself
Women are highly attuned to the people around them. To take charge of your life you need to start by tuning into yourself and honoring your needs. Rediscover who you are, your values and beliefs, your vision for your life, and what innate gifts and abilities you can harness. Take the time to self-educate (don’t rush this!) Discover who you are at your core, not who others expect you to be. Self-investment is for you.
You can’t know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’re starting from.
2. Find Your Motivation
Deciding to take charge of your life requires focus and discipline. What helps that focus is a strong motivator.
Why are you making this change?
The best decisions are held up by strong emotion and will. You need to know your “Why?” to push you through the times of doubt that will creep in. But do not let up, your dreams are worth it, you are worth it. More on getting through those difficult times in #7.
3. Set Goals
Once you know who you are, then you can start to set some goals. This is where you get into the specifics of what you desire in life; what changes need to be made. Be bold in this step, shoot for the moon so to speak. As they say even if you “fail” you will fall among the stars. Learn specifics on how to set your intentions here.
4. Develop Gratitude
Gratitude heals a sensitive heart. Learning to appreciate what you have deepens your experience. It is more impactful when your goals are reached as you understand the journey it took. Redirect the energy you expend on worrying and stress back into the development of your new life through gratitude. There is strength in taking back the power fear takes from you. Finding peace in the present while working towards the future makes the journey that much richer.
5. Create New Habits
Hold yourself accountable by not bending to the whim of fickle excuses; create new habits. Waking early to get a head start on that new business idea, laying out your clothes at night to remove the anxiety of choice in the morning, to journaling your thoughts and emotions to help you process your triggers. Whatever the habit is, establishing a consistent routine you can turn back to when you get off track can be what is needed to find your balance. It doesn’t mean those routines can’t change over time, but in the beginning, they help you learn to prioritize yourself.
Start simple, start small, and go from there.
6. Pace Yourself
There is no need to lock yourself into strict guidelines that only serve to stress you out.
You need to be kind to yourself and recognize the process which you have undertaken. Sustainable self-investment in taking charge of your life won’t happen overnight. We all have triggers, traumas, and past patterns to heal. Remember you don’t have to do this alone, it’s okay to ask for help and lean on others when you need it.
7. Prepare for Setbacks
As stated before, investing in yourself to create your dream life will not happen overnight. As an emotionally sensitive soul, there will be times when you succumb to overwhelm and fall back into self-deprecating behaviors. Be it emotional eating, financial irresponsibly, or poor self-talk. From the beginning, expect these setbacks. Healing isn’t linear, progress is a bumpy road. As long as you keep your end goal in mind you’ll find the setbacks last less and less as time goes on.
Imperfection is not your enemy, it is reality. View setbacks as part of the journey. Progress over perfection.
8. Surround Yourself with Joy
Surround yourself with things or people that naturally bring out ease, confidence, and peace within you. Create pockets of joy you can lean on when you feel discouraged. Taking charge and carving a new path for yourself may feel daunting at first, but find joy in the process. Making life changes can be fun if you let it be. Make games out of your challenges, bring friends into the mix and encourage each other. Remind yourself that just because you are investing in your future doesn’t mean your present has to suck.
Final Notes:
There are many ways Macro and Micro that a woman can use to take charge of her life. The little changes are what add up to genuine transformation. Building the self-awareness needed to notice areas where you neglect your needs starts the chain reaction.
Facing your fears and limiting beliefs is always nerve-wracking. But not going after what you want is even worse. At the very least start choosing yourself first.
The beauty found in self-growth and development is enchanting. Self-investment can be addicting once you get a taste of your potential. You are no longer able to turn a blind eye to the ways you hold yourself back. Once you start to see those changes take root it becomes easier to believe in yourself. And you never know, your action may just inspire another woman to do the same.
My recent saying has been: “Focus on what you can control.” In other words, don’t get bogged down by things you have no way of changing, the stress isn’t worth it. But you are worth it. Peace, fulfillment, and healing are worth it. I welcome you to join me on your journey as we take charge of our lives together, one step at a time.
Until nest time,
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