4 Ways To Gently Romanticize Your Life

***Updated July 2024***

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”

 —Rupi Kaur

Most people would say they recognize the month of February for two things: Valentine’s Day and Black History Month. Considering the title of this post, you can imagine which one we will be discussing.

People tend to have very extreme reactions to Valentine’s Day. Some love it, some hate it, while others couldn’t give a rip about what is going on. All are fair points in their own right.  

Interpersonal romance aside, I want to highlight a relationship that is often taken for granted. Often this relationship is neglected and is largely overlooked within the context of this holiday.

 I speak of course to the longest relationship you will ever have, the one with yourself.  

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In the grand scheme of things, we take ourselves for granted daily. The breath in our lungs, our unique creativity, and the way we solve problems, are all taken for granted.

We allow our thoughts to belittle us, we punish ourselves for having that extra cookie after dinner, and we question our attractiveness when not in a relationship. Nit-picking, self-neglect, and low self-confidence are familiar friends.

Our boundaries are overlooked, we take no time for ourselves, we shun self-expression, and stay in that state with no growth forward.

We look to others for support, guidance, and self-assurance when we should be grounded within ourselves.  

The people pleasers among us are especially guilty of this.

When was the last time you woke up and were excited about your day? Where you felt joy for the breath in your body and the opportunities that lay before you. Where you looked in the mirror and felt desirable, strong, and beautiful without anyone else needing to remind you? 

Can you sit alone with yourself and feel content, guilt-free? Do you regularly incorporate activities in your life that you love and fill up your “happiness meter”? Do you feel confident in your body, your decisions, and your present path? Do you know how to take charge of your life?

Your reaction to the answers to those questions can be very telling.  

From my observations, the vast majority of people are lacking self-love. Learning how to love yourself is so important. Finding acceptance and joy in the beauty that is you is paramount to a life well lived. Wanting to be someone else is a disservice to yourself and the world. You are so beautifully and uniquely made, you just need to read the manual that are you.

  As a woman growing up in this digital social comparison world it hasn’t always been easy finding the things I liked, let alone loved about me. I was either “too quiet”, or “too sensitive.” I didn’t look like the people on Instagram with perfect lives, and perfect bodies. I looked at my life through dim and smudged glasses, feeling unfulfilled and despondent. That kind of thinking can bleed into every area of your life shaking the foundation of all your relationships and accomplishments. As a solopreneur I know that confidence in what you bring to the table is key to building a professional success story.

Self-love and self-belief go hand in hand, personally and professionally.

It took a long time, dedicated self-study, and trial and error but I eventually found my way to a peaceful and balanced life, one where my confidence isn’t shaken by the passing tide of others expectations or opinions. Self-investment provided a blueprint for me to gently romanticize and prioritize my current and future life with intentional self-check-ins.  

To not only evaluate how I was treating myself, but practicing showing myself how valuable I now know I am. In-nested was built off of that blueprint to help other women like me learn from my mistakes and get a shortcut to healing their relationship with self and building the life (and entrepreneurial career!) of their dreams.

 As the quote by Rupi Kaur above says, we show others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. 

 Romantic, platonic, familial, work-related relationships, etc., all these relationships learn from the most important and personal one, the one with yourself. Sometimes we need a brush up on how we treat ourselves. Our self-talk easily shows where we are in a relationship with ourselves.

I believe the reinvention of self through positive and healthy systems can start at any time and at any age. You don’t have to wait for the new year to become a new you. Though if you have created New Year’s Resolutions check out this helpful blog post to learn the top reasons why people don’t stick to their new year’s resolutions. 

Whatever your goal is, whoever you want to become you have to start where you are now. Sometimes when we allow ourselves to live in that “I’m not good enough” funk for so long it can be hard to find our way out of it. But find your way out you can!

Here are my top 4 tips to start romancing yourself again. Gently rebuild your self-confidence and self-love through these specific self-investment tips. These tips have been formed from my love affair with romance movies, feel free to add your own into the mix!

How to start romanticizing your life:

#1 Soundtrack

Take a page from Rom-Coms movies. When everything is going well for them the music is slow and dream-like. Even before a big twist happens on screen, the flow of the music warns us. Characters have a soundtrack for every activity they do, spurring them on while letting the audience know how to feel with them.

When starting any new habit or skill, it’s best to start simple. When you are first learning to love yourself, try to romanticize your life with your own personal soundtrack.

You are the main character of your story. 

Instead of a screeching alarm, wake yourself in the morning with your favorite song. Create a playlist around routine tasks you don’t enjoy but know are necessary to invest in your future self (like dishes, folding laundry, and budgeting.) When you want to feel more productive, play upbeat and happy music that jumps your heart rate. When you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, listen to a song that makes you feel seen and beautiful, as though the artist made it just for you.

 Create different playlists for different moods. Let the music wash away the negative self-talk that tears you down and makes you feel unmotivated.

Train yourself one song at a time to love what you see, how you do things, and at what pace you do them. Music can be powerful and surrounding yourself with something you love can be a gentle way of boosting your outlook.

#2 Surround Yourself With Beauty

Following that last note, our environment has a strong impact on the way we see our world. When my home is a mess I feel overwhelmed which can kickstart a negative spiral into anxiety and depressive thoughts. And once my mood starts to plummet, it becomes easier to find other things to nitpick.  

Life happens, and we all could use a brush-up on learning how to love ourselves even when things get out of hand because they will! To combat these negative patterns, take a look at your environment, the places you spend the most time,(likely your home). Does it reflect your personality? Have you incorporated any decor, trinkets, or objects that you love that bring you joy when you see them? Is it a place you’d want to be with a welcoming atmosphere?  

You don’t have to tear down your whole house to make changes, again start small. For example, I love things that bring out feelings of hygge: “Hygge is a Danish and Norwegian word for a mood of coziness and comfortable conviviality with feelings of wellness and contentment.” So my home is filled with these little opportunities for comfort. Soft blankets that ward off the winter chill, cute teacups, floral scented candles, and frozen cookies in the freezer just waiting to be baked. 

 At least once a week I like to sit down and make a blanket nest on my bed with a cozy fire, have my cup of ginger tea and read my latest book or watch my favorite show.  

Surround yourself with these little opportunities for self-romance. Be it fresh flowers or clean sheets right out of the dryer, make them as practical or aesthetically pleasing as you like. Just start to incorporate items or activities in your space that bring out your joy and make you feel special.

#3 Pamper Day

Like nesting in bed with a good book, setting aside time each week to pamper yourself is a great way of rewiring your internal thought and emotional patterns.  

When something is valuable, you invest in it. Be it time energy, or resources, if you see value in something you are more likely to maintain its value. Just like your vehicle needs a regular oil change, you need a regular boost in morale.  

You are the most valuable relationship you will ever have, act like it! Spoil yourself by doing the things that nourish that relationship. Get a hot stone massage and an ice cream cone from your favorite shop. Or block out time to write out that book idea that has been swimming around in your head. Take yourself out on a date to that exclusive new restaurant and indulge in what it feels like to be cared for in the exact way you would want to (more on that in the next step!)

As an entrepreneur this could look like an annual retreat to step away from the grind and focus on rejuvenating your creative inspiration, refreshing you business objectives, and seeking out new learning to gain perceptive and growth. Finding ways to be productive and yet cozy and fun!

Customize this time to anything that makes you feel spoiled and loved. Wear that new outfit that sits in the back of your closet waiting for the right occasion. Break out your favorite perfume/cologne, get all dressed up for yourself, and have a night out on the town. The beauty of this is that it can be anything you want and it proves you don’t need an outside force (another person), to make you feel good about yourself. 

If a Pamper Day feels too much, make it a pamper afternoon or hour. Even 15 minutes hiding from your kids in your coat closet eating chocolate meets the standard. Any routine action you take to ensure you don’t devolve into that overwhelmed and underappreciated state makes a big difference.

#4 Take Yourself on a Date

Dedicating time to be with yourself in a setting that feels indulgent and special really sparks self-awareness. After a hard day at work, you go to your favorite restaurant and order your favorite meal, with dessert! Or take that book that’s been lying abandoned on your shelf for 6 months (bookworms…I see you) and go sit in a cozy café with a hot tea and finally crack those pages open. Or stay at home and make a nest of soft blankets and plush pillows and grab out your favorite movie (Under the Tuscan Sun is my favorite) for some alone time. 

Whatever your date night looks like it will show you to what level you have been neglecting yourself. We are constantly bombarded with deadlines, kids’ schedules, family obligations, and work assignments. When was the last time you just sat with yourself doing something totally “selfish?”  

This date night is for you and you alone to spoil yourself with time and care. Brush up on yourself, ask probing questions, examine your normal routines, and look at where you will be in a year if nothing changes. 

Stress, burnout, and overwhelm are where many of us are headed when we ignore our wants and needs. It is okay for it to be a requirement that you need your own space.

Building boundaries around your own mental and physical health requirements is important. Romancing yourself with alone time is a gentle way of saying you are valuable.

Final Notes:

 Don’t forget to celebrate the wins you have already accomplished, no matter how small. 

 The perspective that you are unworthy, or not enough, or too much does not fit into the reality of your true worth.  

 Loving yourself, the core person that you are is an important baseline to establish if you want to improve upon your situation; mental, emotional, or otherwise. A quote from the actress Zoe Saldana embodies this blog post beautifully, if you have a minute hear how she describes self-love.

Something I heard recently that put things in perfect perspective was that “There will always be problems.” No matter what kind of life we lead, there are always opportunities for difficulties to creep in, just ask any business owner. Those challenges are often where our best learning takes place. 

 You can easily scroll through Instagram and count all the people who seem to have everything together. You can feel jealous of their success, their beauty, their self-knowledge, or their drive. But even they have their own set of hidden difficulties to face. You cannot compare yourself to someone who does not walk in your shoes.

As someone who has not walked in your shoes but likely has a similar pair as you (considering you’ve made it this far) I welcome you to join my bi-monthly newsletter “from The Nest.” Where I share wellness focused tips, encouragement and inspiration to my fellow ladies. The modern business-woman can also find helpful tips in there too!

Injecting romance into your life is a very simplistic way of proving to yourself that despite those difficulties you still deserve to have love and peace.

You are the main character in your movie of life, you get to decide how you spend your time and energy, so you might as well have some fun with it!

Until nest time,