Overcoming Decision-Making Anxiety: A Guide to Making Choices Without Fear
“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.”
— Rosa Parks
Many sources like Psychology Today and The Leading Edge state: “It is estimated that the average adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day.” While there are discrepancies between sources concerning the actual amount of choice, this post from Psychology Today also says “According to a survey by Columbia University decision researcher, Sheena Iyengar, the average American makes approximately 70 conscious decisions every day.” That’s a lot of decision-making.
“Each individual is different, so it is impossible to pinpoint a specific number of daily decisions that applies to every individual, but Time magazine puts the number in the thousands.” With the original aforementioned Time magazine quote saying: “Every day, we face thousands of decisions both major and minor…” (This breakdown referenced from the findings of Arnon Weinberg on the Stack Exchange)
Regardless of the actual factual statistics that guide this conversation, it is easy enough to reflect on one’s own life to realize it would be a heavy number indeed if we all started to count every decision we made. Even if a person were to choose to lie sedentary in bed and watch TV. all day, choice would still be a part of the equation; through the ongoing choice to continually lie in bed or choose the next show.
With the everyday decision-making, each of us has to do, it is not a leap to acknowledge the difficulty in the task. There is often a large amount of stress, anxiety, or fear involved when it comes to decision-making.
In this study done by Hartley and Phelps, they show that “…anxiety increases the attention to negative choice options, the likelihood that ambiguous options will be interpreted negatively, and the tendency to avoid potential negative outcomes, even at the cost of missing potential gains.” Simply put, when faced with a choice, anxiety can creep in and place the focus on the potential negative outcomes, foregoing the potentially positive choices at hand. Like when choosing what major to be in college, or what house to buy, it is so easy to become frozen and feel overwhelmed with the many possible choices and their varying outcomes.
Fear takes over when the potential of making the incorrect choice becomes all-consuming. And with 40 million US adults suffering from anxiety, it is easy to see how choice can be a common stuttering spot for many of us.
But here is something to chew on:
There does not exist a reality where you can make a wrong choice.
Now before you get mad and throw all sorts of examples of when you make the wrong choice at me, think about this. Because you live right here and now with the current choice you made and are unable to go back in time and make a different one, the choice you made is just how your story is supposed to go. Can it feel like the wrong choice, be painful, and make life more difficult than if you had chosen differently?
It’s certainly possible, but you didn’t, you’re in your current “here and now.”
Finding peace in whatever situation you find yourself, rather chose to be in, is a new level of strength many of us have not tapped into.
Let’s say you feel as though you should’ve gone to another school or have chosen a different job or relationship. You have no way of knowing if that different path would’ve worked out any better than the one you chose.
Something I have been learning since starting my introspective self-investment journey is that when you try to find peace in your current situation, regardless of whether or not you feel it is the correct path for you, it is.
Your current path is the correct and only path for you because you are the one who chose it with no way of experiencing the alternative. And whether you spent months deciding or asked a magic eight ball for the choice, in the end, you made it and have to accept that.
Now, yes many things are out of our control, like the weather and other people’s choices. But when you start to see each choice, each experience as a potential lesson to be learned, your life becomes that much richer.
I know that to become the type of woman who can not only achieve all my goals and dreams, but maintain them, I need to go through my current path and lessons to strengthen my character, drive, patience, and discipline. Life is meant to challenge and refine you. Each day you have the opportunity to make yourself better than you were the day before. To have the strength of self to change your situation into what you want it to be even if it scares the poop out of you.
Here are the best ways I have found to make choices while limiting fear:
Step 1: Identify The Decision
When you realize you need to make a decision, clearly define the nature of the decision you must make. Having clear reasoning will help keep thoughts of worry at bay. It’s amazing how confused we can make ourselves by not narrowing down our focus and fully determining what it ACTUALLY is we need to decide.
Step 2: Gather Relevant Information
Collect all pertinent information before you make your decision. Ask yourself: “What information is needed?”, “what or who has the best source of information?”, and “How to get it?”. This involves both internal and external “work.” Some information is internal: you’ll seek it through a process of self-assessment. Other information is external: you’ll find it online, in books, from other people, and other sources.
Step 3: Identify The Alternatives
As you collect information, you will likely identify several possible paths of action or alternatives. You can also use your imagination and additional information from Step 2 to determine new alternatives. Then, list all possible and desirable alternatives. Basically a pro and con list, fully flesh out all possible opportunities and ideas to make the best move you possibly can.
Step 4: Weigh All The Options
Look at all the information you gathered and self-assess any attached emotions. Imagine what it would be like if you carried out each of the alternatives to the end. Evaluate whether the need identified in Step 1 would be met or resolved through the use of each alternative. As you go through this difficult internal process, you’ll begin to favor certain alternatives. Once you have a feel for how each potential choice makes you feel (see what I did there?), then list out your top 3 options in order of most to least desirable.
Step 5: Make The Choice
Once all the evidence has been weighed, you are ready to select the option best suited for you. It may surprise you you may even choose a combination of options.
Final Notes
Making decisions without anxiety, an often difficult process, need not be so daunting a task. With some focus and a little grace, your next choice should take less effort. Over time you will learn how to weigh your options and choose the route that’s best for you at the drop of a hat.
The largest part of overcoming decision-making anxiety is learning to trust yourself. Believe that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Many of our choices feel out of our control, bigger than what we can manage on our own. But when you decide to believe in your own ability, lean into a more positive mindset, and take that next step with confidence no matter what comes; that’s when anxiety no longer controls your behavior. The peace you develop by doing that will soon outweigh any lingering anxiety you may feel about the outcome of your decisions.
The outcome of said choice, good or bad, is only as good or bad as you believe it to be. If one “bad” choice got you into a mess, it’s okay if it takes 5 or 10 other choices to get you out. The true issue would be if you gave up completely.
I believe in you and welcome you to join me and other like-minded women as we choose to prioritize our needs. You can find support in the bi-monthly newsletter “From the Nest,” where you’ll be the first to receive any updates and exclusive notes.
Until nest time,
