Self-worth through Self-work
“Self–worth is so vital to your happiness if you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to feel good about anything else.”
-Sandy Hale
Women; we are many things to many people. Mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters, we have many faces. We hold the future in our bodies and along with it the collective destiny of the world. We are nurturing, creative, empathetic, intelligent, and passionate souls. Wars have been fought over the love of a woman. Centuries of songs and poems count the ways women enrich the world. Yet, today’s woman struggles with her self-worth. Lacking the unabashed confidence of our male counterparts. True and lasting self-worth comes from an inner place of self-knowledge, bold self-compassion, and supportive self-expression. Self-worth through self-work.
Comparing the airbrushed faces of top models and social media filters to our natural features causes many of us to struggle with self-worth.
We struggle to believe our needs have value without feeling shame. Neglecting our self-care, and never investing in our potential. Carrying the mental burden and responsibilty of those around us. Not being able to use our voice in powerful declarations of boundaries. Being out of touch with our creativity and femininity. Having an unsettled heart and a troubled mind keep us from our peace.
We are meant to nourish the world around us in beauty, grace, and warmth. The feminine light we bring to the world is being snuffed out by fear, shame, guilt, and a lack of self-awareness. We as women must believe we are worthy of good things. That we are capable of conquering life without deviating from our innate sensitivity. That our gifts, ideas, and abilities have value in the world today. Not only are they valued, but needed to maintain the natural harmony of the world around us.
Our self-worth affects everything we do. Our attitude, mindset, our future outlook, relationships, self-image, and more. Learning to invest in and develop a strong intimacy with ourselves allows us to thrive as we are naturally meant to.
So, what is self-worth exactly? What does self-work mean and how can we achieve it? Let’s dive in.
What is Self-Worth?
Self-worth refers to our sense of self. Our beliefs, values, and perspectives. Whether we see ourselves as someone worthy of compassion, understanding, worthy of care, support, and empathy. Having self-worth indicates you have solid self-esteem, healthy mental well-being, and confidence in your abilities.
The dictionary determines self-worth to be:
“n. an individual’s evaluation of himself or herself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration. Positive feelings of self-worth tend to be associated with a high degree of self-acceptance and self-esteem.”
Having self-worth doesn’t mean you are perfect or expect perfection. Rather when those difficult moments come up that test our abilities, we can address and overcome them without questioning our sense of self.
As a woman, I feel I can speak accurately on this. As I have noticed we as women tend to be unnecessarily difficult on ourselves. Seeing our sensitivity as a hindrance rather than a strength. Trying to keep our whole world afloat and neglecting our needs. Expecting unattainable standards of mental, social, spiritual, and physical well-being, that only end up in disappointment shame, and guilt.
When we don’t attain our standards of perfection we procrastinate. Further delaying our needs which then causes us to spiral. Spiraling into poor mental habits, ignoring our health, and compounding feelings of guilt and anxiety.
This is why having self-worth is so important. Because when those challenging emotions come at us we can recognize they are just indicators of our current state, rather than define who we are. We are more than our passing emotions say we are. And most often, are capable of more than we believe.
This understanding of self comes to benefit not just you, but those in your sphere of influence. Self-worth goes beyond the individual. We are connected. What happens to one affects us all. When one is lifted, we all can share in that joy. When you see another woman working through something with gentleness, it makes you believe in yourself as well!
That is how easy it is to change the world. But by lifting yourself, you show others it can be done. In turn, they make that change as well, and the ripple effect goes on for generations. We are meant to inspire each other, heal, grow, and flourish in our femininity.
What is Self-Work and How To Do It?
So how can we inspire ourselves and others to achieve that level of self-worth?
Self-investment, personal development, self-care. These are all terms used to describe transformation, change. To change what we do and how we do it. To see a different version of ourselves and chase it down.
In a recent newsletter I spoke about change, how society requires change if you mean to stay in the rat race. To change how we look, act, speak, eat, dress, think… To develop yourself for reasons that are outside of yourself.
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Self-work does require action. To increase your self-worth there has to be a miniture death. A death of the facade you have been playing for too long. The death of the negative self-talk. The death of the goals you are chasing that don’t even inspire you. The death of the mindset that keeps you small, quiet, and unfulfilled.
You must attend the funeral of the person you were trying to be, to revive the person you were meant to be.
That is scary. The idea that the change you must undergo is unavoidable.
The problem with neglecting yourself, being walked over, talked over, living life on autopilot is that it becomes uncomfortably comfortable. We become accustomed to experiencing a lifestyle and mindset that is not authentically us. The thought of disrupting that status quo seems too severe and complicated.
But that is not necessarily true. If you have been doing something a particular way for a long time, that can be diffiuclt to pivot. But it can be even more difficult to continue living a life that does not compliment your true nature.
Self-work is imperative for the transformation of our self-worth.
We cannot just wake up one day and no longer have a poor mental self-image, get enough sleep, eat healthily, have thriving relationships, being creative, living out our purpose. Our negative habits have been collected and cemented over time. They have to be systematically chipped away for our transformation to be lasting. Otherwise we fall prey to old habits when we get triggered back to our reset settings.
I submit the In-nested version of self-work: Self-investment; gentle change with intentional purpose.
Incrimental movements that meet you where you are and encourage you forward towards your goals. Small steps that when combined over time, reveal the authentic and thriving version of you. Doing the inner work, facing what is difficult, allowing yourself to break down and fall so you learn you have the strength and courage to pick yourself up again, realigning in a new and better way.
Self-worth through Self-work could be:
- Journaling about your experiences and reflecting on any traumas and triggers to start healing.
- Expressing your inner creativity with new hobbies
- Practicing boundary setting before your friend unloads all their drama on you.
- Setting aside time to rest after a stressful week.
- Giving yourself a pep talk before no longer allowing your co-worker to talk down to you.
- Keeping self-therapy notes around the house to improve your mindset.
*Check out In-nested’s shop for self-therapy notes!
Investing in yourself is the best way to increase your self-worth. How can you value something you consitently neglect? You have to show yourself you trust yourself to prioritize your needs. Self-neglect ruins our self-trust. It takes time to rebuild, but there is no rush. Life is not a race to the finish line. The journey of becoming you is a beautiful road that should be cherished. Stop along the way, take pictures, appreciate each moment and live in harmony with your true nature.
Final Notes
Having self-worth is what keeps us out of trouble. Our self-worth initiates our protective boundaries. It prioritizes our needs to the same degree (if not more) than others. It allows us to tap into our natural femininity and establish an unwavering peace.
You can gauge your level of self-worth by how much peace you have in your life. By examining your habits to see where your well-being falls. To look at your relationships and the way others treat you as a reflection of how you treat yourself.
The transition into a healthy, vibrant, and self-confident woman doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to unlearn and relearn habits. Investing in yourself may feel uncomfortable at first, as you start to prioritize yourself for the first time in a long time. It may feel like a struggle, but one that is worth fighting for.
Unlocking your authentic self, being vulnerable, and pursing sustainable peace. That is what this self-investment journey will lead you to. You will wake up one day no longer a stranger to yourself and will be proud of the progress you’ve made.
Find your gentle strength through self-investment. Be brave, you are worth it.
Until nest time,
