The Gentle Approach to Personal Development
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
—George Bernard Shaw
The personal development niche is an ever-growing industry; boasting a market size that supports over 40 Billion dollars in profit. Personal development has many faces: ebooks, seminars, coaching, online courses, fed by an every growing thirst for self-improvement in the world today. We seek the shortcut to motivation, success, excellence, health, wealth, and happiness. Hoping a one time purchase will resolve a lifetime of problems.
The advent of the internet has allowed the exchange of ideas and information to happen at lightning speed. While our parents had to search for answers in libraries and ask their local sphere of aquaintences for help. In the future of today we can simply ask our phones a question and be served an inumerable amount of advice, products, and information to find our solution.
This abundance of knowledge is astounding, and while it should be easier to excel in our personal lives, we still run into problems. The fasted paced, one-size-fits-all production of the personal development the mega moguls create are helpful, but don’t fulfill those specialized needs we all have. Not because the methodology, packaging, or pricing is wrong, but because it lulls us into forgetting the most important piece of the puzzle.
As a Massage Therapist when clients come to me with their physical problems I can only see the body for what it is at the time. I can work out their tension, relieve their pain, but the source of the dysfunction is not something I can change for them. If you swing a hammer for a living and develop back problems, you will feel good after a massage, but will revert back to pain as soon as you pick up the hammer again.
We spend our lives collecting pain, traumas, and patterns of being that impact the way we think, move, breathe, and act. Each of us are unique, just like the problems we face. Some problems are more obvious than others. But all problems have one common denominator, YOU.
The missing piece to the puzzle of the personal development niche is you. You can read a thousand self-help books, watch hours of content, but if you don’t apply the information to your specific problems in the best way for YOU, it won’t work and you will feel ripped off.
The experts that come before us have collected their methods into a tighly packed program, book, or course. Injesting this information, gaining insight, learning from others, is excellent. Humans need eachother, and the sharing of ideas and stories are a beautiful and impactful way to learn.
We get our beliefs, ethics, and ideals from our family, friends, our teachers and collegues. We are a walking culmination of everyone we have ever met. Our personality is shaped and molded over time. When something in our lives feels disconnected, unsettled, or uncomfortable we seek out the advise of others for help. It is only natural, and very clear why the personal development niche is so large. We are all continually learning, the problem comes with the application.
Even 1:1 coaching, which is as personalized as it gets, cannot do the work for you, or answer every internal struggle you have. Because no one knows you like you do. I could advise my hammer swinging client to use more ergonomical movements, to stretch before and after each shift, and to book regular massages to balance the wear and tear. All the advise in the world is only helpful if it is actually taken and applied to their unique circumstances.
The Bandaid Approach
The bandaid approach is my term for the “quick fix” or, “simple solution” we try to look for to solve all of our problems. Whether we seek to overcome childhood trauma or a fear of public speaking, we are always looking for the shortcut. Myself included! It is so easy to fall into this trap. The idea that our compounded issues can and should be fixed overnight.
Real sustainable change does not happen this way. It is not the watching of an online course that changes your life, or even the new perspectives given. Rather what really starts your personal evolution is a willingness to be open, to try, to fail, to just start seeing the possibilities.
The real force behind personal development is ourselves. Cultivating a relationship with and investing in yourself is where true change happens. Learning to be gentle with your progress makes that journey that much more rewarding.
The Gentle Approach to Personal Development
Understand How You Naturally Function
When we are in school we are all (generally) taught to write the same way. Dotted dashes on lined paper with example letters show us how our penmanship should look. And yet, I have never met anyone write the same way as me or anyone else for that matter. Our penmanship is as unique as our fingerprints.
Our natural personalilty shows through in everything we do. Each of us are unique, and so are our problems. Understanding how you naturally function is key to accurately applying the lessons you learn to your own life.
Here at In-nested I support gentle self-investment, and encourage others to lean into self-understanding, peace, progress, and purpose. I write within the personal development niche. Yet, my work is different from Tony Robbins, and Jay Shetty, two popular authorities within this space.
That doesn’t make my work any less important or impactful, I simply write from my observations, perspectives, and experiences with the intent to reach others who think and feel similarly.
I modeled my work off of how I naturally function, through that I have found success. If you are going into the personal development niche, I have found it to be helpful to find mentors that mirror your experiences. I personally admire Tony Robbins, but I don’t feel especially connected with him. Knowing that I am looking for a more gentle approach to my personal development journey has optimized my search to those who fit that figure. Figures like blogger Belinda Marie of SoulandSelf, and author Simon Sinek.
Forcing yourself into the mainstream model may help for a time, but lacks the energized commitment you would feel if you sought information tailored to the way you natrually understand life.
It’s Probably Deeper Than You Think
When I first started my personal development journey I had no idea the depths to which I would go. Uncovering years of hidden triggers and traumas resulted in a very broken feeling Kai. A place of uncertaintly, stress, anxiety and overwhelm. It was an uncomfortable, but necessary space to feel.
Similar to Ogres, problems are like onions. Once you’ve taken on the challenge of healing them, they start to unravel deeper and deeper layers you’ve been ignoring, or didn’t know you had. Either way, to avoid the band-aid approach, it’s important to address each layer as it reveals itself.
Being gentle with yourself during those vulnerable times cannot be stressed enough. Many of us are unaccustomed to being vulernerable with others, let alone with ourselves. It will require some practice and patience, but the rewards are longer lasting in the end.
Effort Is Inevitable
Going off the last note, be advised, while it may seem obvious, personal development requires effort. As the underlying layers of emotional/physical dysfunction assert themselves and the overwhelm begins, it is easy to fall into a laxidaizcal approach. Spending your time avoiding the problems with busy work.
Anything can be justified. I know I spent weeks researching, collecting ideas, listening to podcasts, and reading books. All of which where helpful in a way, and effort was exerted, but the wrong kind of effort.
Facing the deeper parts of yourself, and holding accountability is difficult. Realising that most of our problems are self-made is a difficult pill to swallow. Dancing around the issue instead of facing it, feeling it, is a common form of avoidance. Time is expended, but nothing new changes.
So brace yourself, personal improvement can only really be done by you, and will require some mental endurance on your part. Effort doesn’t mean the journey has to be unbearable. Remember, work smart, put forth effort in a way that excites you for the impending change. Effort that makes you feel proud of yourself and supports consistent progress. Just because something is inevitable doesn’t mean it should be avoided or feared. Find your path and stick to that!
Sustainable Progress Takes Time
Speaking of path, take a seat and grab some popcorn because this personal development show takes a long time. They say anything worth doing is worth doing well. I would like to add, “and takes time to get right.”
Sustainable progress is not something that is built overnight. Without the proper structures, systems and emergency protocols, a thrown together plan is less likely to last. Now that we understand progress doesn’t have to be painful, it is less scary to acknowledge it also will take time.
My self-investment journey initally took 6 months to really get a strong foot hold. Another 6 to feel lasting and prominent change, and now many moons later, I feel excitied to see where a lifetime of effort will take me. I have found joy in the idea of continued growth. Balancing the peacefulness of self-love (accepting me as I am) with the excitment of pursuing a better version of me.
You are different, your journey may be more specific than mine, may take less time or have no offical end date. There is no rush to be your “best self.” It took time to collect pains and problems, it will take time to let them go.
Masterpieces are lovingly crafted over time, so are you.
Accept Setbacks Will Happen
The perfectionist in me had a hard time with this one. There have been seasons of personal growth where I was tired of the perpetual back and forth of the emotional labor. Because life doesn’t just stop happening around you just because you start a quest to living a better, more fulfilled life. Work, family, bills, health management, animals; life spins on, and sometimes it can spin out of control.
Reverting back to old habits and patterns is not the sign of weakness you may come to believe. Rather proof change is in the making. To revert back to somthing means you left it in the first place. Sustainable change doesn’t happen overnight, it is okay on this gentle journey to have growing pains and setbacks.
Remember to show yourself some grace as you learn how to gently rebrand your life.
Support Isn’t A Weakness
Coaches, workshops, Facebook groups, newsletters, and signature programs are all forms of support. Support is necesary to growth and development. Finding those that resonate with our ideals, who are living the life of our dreams and asking them for help is okay.
Connection and collaboration help make a heavy load lighter. I am all for self-guided, self-study materials and formats. As an introvert I love my alone time, and some of my best work happens in the stillness of my own peace. But there is something to be said for the encouraging power of holding space for eachother.
All of us are working toward or searching for something. It is not unlikely that someone out there shares your same struggles, with their own unique spin of course. Connecting and sharing isn’t weakness, it is the definition of community.
If you resonate with my work I invite you to reach out and connect. Join my bi-monthly newsletter from The Nest to recieve notes on self-investment done with a gentle approach.
Final Notes
The personal development niche will only continue to grow as time goes on. I humbly submit my piece of the internet as proof of that growth. The horizon of where personal human achievement can go has no limits, and neither do you.
Choosing to embark on any personal development journey is one to be commended. Choosing to embark on the gentle approach to personal development, is one to be celebrated. The world is harsh enough, deciding to be gentle with yourself as you learn and grow is the best investment you could make.
Develop intimacy with yourself, take the time to know who you are and where you want to be. Unlock your authentic self and see just how far you can go. Best of luck!
Until nest time,
